I love the moments when I can just bond with my girls. The time when I know they are happy just because they are cuddled up in my lap giving me hugs and kisses. Is there anything better than that?....I don't think so. Lately, the bonding moments have been more with Riley than with Addison. Some of that makes me feel guilty, but given our circumstances, I can't give each child my full attention at every moment. Addison was our difficult child at first. She had her reflux issues along with her heart issues and she needed to be held and supported more than Riley. So Riley spent more time in her bassinet or bouncy chair and Addison spent more time in my arms, Jesse's arms, Sara's arms, or my mom's or step-mom's arms. I used to comment that Riley is our easy baby and Addison requires more work.
Then the tides changed. Riley became more needy. Maybe it was because she knew she wasn't getting as much attention as her sister. She may have thought to herself...I know if I cry, someone will pick me up and cuddle with me. And she was right. We didn't like to let the girls cry at all. Jesse and I would run to their beck and call and so would my mom and Linda. Sara was the only smart one that knew she didn't need to be held every second. At this time, Addison started requiring as much attention and would just sit in her swing and smile or hang out in her bouncy chair and watch everything that was going on and Riley would be throwing fits and crying just to cry....or so we thought. At this time I started spending more time with Riley. She was better at latching on to the breast so I would feed her every day after getting home from work. We would spend that extra close time together. I still worked with Addison but she seemed less and less interested in the breast and needed that instant gratification of the bottle. Riley was also having major trouble going to sleep at night. She would cry and cry and fight with every ounce of her body to avoid going to sleep. We even went as far as putting her to sleep in her room by herself and letting Addison fall asleep in her swing. That way Riley could cry it out at night if she needed and it wouldn't wake Addison up.
At this point I realized that Riley needed something else...something special for her to realize it was bed time and it was okay to go to bed. So I started being the one to give her the bath and feed her. On most nights Jesse and I took turns on which baby we would give a bath and feed before bed. So with just the special mommy time, Riley and I would go into the nursery with the light off and I would feed her the night time bottle with her Zantac and I would sing to her as I fed her. I only know part of this nursery rhyme but it went something like this" Go to sleep and good night....go to sleep little baby...but I would insert little Riley into my song" I would sing and hum this tune as we rocked together in the chair. Riley would look up at me and I could tell she was much more relaxed. She would watch the ceiling fan and listen to me sing and this would lull her to sleep. So for the last 2 weeks Riley has gone to bed without a peep. She was happy and content and I enjoyed the close quiet time we had together.
Addison must have sensed that she was missing out on something because as soon as Riley started going down so smooth...Addison decided she was going to play the difficult baby role again. Addison may fall asleep for 30 minutes or so after her bath but she was getting up and giving Jesse and Sara some trouble before she finally would go down to sleep around 10-11pm. Riley was going down around 7 without waking.
So part of me feels guilty because I am giving Riley so much more attention at night because it is helping her to go to sleep but I am not spending as much time with Addison. I don't know how I can win where both of my girls have the bonding time with me because I can't clone myself and I have to rely on Jesse and anyone else who is helping to get Addison to bed. Maybe little miss Addison needs some extra mommy time with me this weekend. Maybe that will help.
McAllister Family Reunion
5 years ago
It's hard - no kidding about the cloning.
ReplyDelete- I feel badly for Audrey since she goes to bed so easily and meanwhile both of us are working with Allie who's sreaming her head off.
It can't be easy trying to find that balance with two. Some nights I feel so stretched thin with Emmett I couldn't imagine trying to bond with another baby. But you are doing great Amy!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure balancing it must be hard. I think you are on to something with your routine with Riley at bed. Here is my theory - you need to have a routine that works with Riley at bed, and Jesse needs one, too. AND you need to develop the same/different routine with Addison, and same with Jesse. Maybe Sara also need her routines. Then, you can each take turns giving "special" time to one baby at night before bed, and they will look forward to that special time with whichever caretaker is giving it. Even with one, DH & I (and my mom who puts him to bed at least 1 night every week) have our special routines with Micah. As long as he gets his nighttime routine from someone, he is good. You'll work it out!! - Tkeys
ReplyDeleteAw, I completely understand - I have the same struggles! (Except you do way more than I do, even if it is usually with Riley. My twins don't get lullabies at all, unfortunately!) I hope it will all balance out eventually as they go through phases to catch up on bonding time. Chloe is 2 and still has periods where she can't sleep and we do more singing, reading, and snuggling, so I figure the twins will be the same. We have lots of time for bedtime routines in our future. :)
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