Week 29 Appointment

My OB was so happy to see me still pregnant a week after being released from the hospital. My appointment was coded wrong and the whole office staff thought I was coming in for a post-op appointment from the hospital meaning I had given birth. They were glad the girls were still tucked in tight inside of me. The medical assistant was confused for a few minutes wondering why I still looked so big and why I needed to go into the ultrasound room rather than the regular exam room.

My doctor did a quick ultrasound and both girls were head down and moving like crazy. They are growing big and I will have another growth scan next week at the specialists office. I go back to my OB in 2 weeks for another FFN test to predict labor and then I will start seeing her every week until the girls are born. Our goal is to get to 36 weeks so that leaves me with 7 more weeks to that goal. Of course I could still deliver anytime, but I am glad to know that even if I make it to the end...I only have at most...9 more weeks of pregnancy left. Woohoo.

I am starting to have more aches and pains now that I am getting bigger. I have trouble getting up off the couch or out of the bath tub. I am happy to know I don't have much longer until my body can work on getting back to normal.

I am so excited to meet our girls and see what they look like and learn their personalities, but I do want them to stay put a while longer. In the meantime, I will enjoy my extra sleep and rest.

Changes

It is so hard to do daily things without thinking about the big hole that is missing from our lives. Matti would follow us around the house. He always wanted to be where the action was. He would be so silly to actually follow me to the bathroom and go in with me. He would follow Jesse around the house and go outside with him every time Jesse went out. He always had a happy smile on his face and never showed any signs of being in a bad mood.

I find it hard to go many hours without crying or having an intense emotional moment when thinking about our dear friend. I downloaded every picture we had of Matti and sent them to be printed. I have started a memory book, but it is hard to concentrate and not drift off thinking about sweet memories.

Friday was the worst because it was the first morning I didn't have to wake up to let Matti out to go potty or fill up his food bowl or pet him. Matti was always so excited when one of us got up in the morning. He missed us while we slept and loved to have our attention. It was nice that Sara was here cooking breakfast but we both noticed the silence in the house. Matti wasn't running around or begging for food.

I got onto SK and read all the nice responses from my cyber friends about our loss. Each post made me cry even more, but I was blessed to have so many people with kind words to say. Brea decided that she was coming over to help cheer me up. That helped because it is so hard to sit at home and feel the void missing from our lives. Jesse was able to go to work and distract himself while I had to sit at home and dwell on the sadness.

Luckily Brea had been working on a project since I was put into the hospital and today was the perfect day to use that project to cheer me up. She had contacted one of the hosts on the SK website to help her secretly obtain letters from all my friends who were sending well wishes after my second hospital stay. It is amazing to know that many of us have grown so close over the internet sharing infertility stories and pregnancy problems without having met in real life. It was so sweet to read all the nice letters and know that many people are cheering me on during this pregnancy and they are praying that Addison and Riley will be healthy and happy when they are born. The scrapbook was just what I need to feel better and concentrate on something other than the deep loss I felt.

As the time passes I cry a little less, but I still miss our sweet dog. I know he isn't suffering any longer, but that doesn't make my heart feel better. I can't even type this blog entry without tears running down my face. For now I will cherish the pictures we have and play all the good memories through my mind. I know it will get easier as time passes and I hope I can smile each time I think of Matti rather than cry for our loss.

We let Matti go

Today was a rough day for Matti. His medicine was not working and each day he was progressively getting worse. This morning he was barely walking and he just wanted to lay down all day. We had to get him up to go to the bathroom and eat. We thought we would have more time with him but his quality of life was not good at all.

Jesse and I took him into the vet and put him down. At least I know he isn't suffering anymore.It was so hard to come home and not have our happy dog there to great us. We plan on waiting until the girls are a little older and we will pick out another family dog together. Until then, we will hold Matti in hearts. Here are some good bye pictures we took of him today. RIP Matti....we love you.

What is the next thing to look forward to?

There has been such a big fuss about getting me to 28 weeks so the girls have a 95% survival rate and now that I have passed that mark, I am left wondering what I am looking forward to now. Now I am glad to be out of the hospital, but my days at home are almost as boring. At least I have Sara here making my meals and giving me someone other than my sick dog to talk to. I guess my next big mile stone should be 32 weeks, however each day is going by sooooo slow. I find myself looking forward to my OB appointment on Monday because that is a day I can put "real" clothes and makeup on and get my butt out of the house. I had so many appointments before when I was on bed rest that I had days out of the house, but now it it is the same ol' same ol' each day. The only new thing is my increased milk production which has completely taken me by surprise. I didn't know I would be leaking when I have 12 weeks until my official due date, but apparently my extra hormones are in overdrive and think it is time to feed a baby....or two. Go figure. It is time to wear a bra at all times with a breast pad to save my bra from wetness and staining.

I was also pleased to see a FedEx envelope from work when I got home. It informed me that my FMLA was running out on April 6th and if I didn't return to work on April 7th, I would be resigning from my job. Fantastic right? I'm glad they told me all about this when they got my paperwork in the first place since the girls aren't even due until June and will most likely make their appearance in the end of April or anytime in May. So after a day or two of stressing out about my possible unemployment, I called HR. They told me I could go on an extended leave until the girls are born and then get my 8 weeks to recover and I could come back to work then. I'm not quite protected like I was with FMLA but my boss had told me that he would take me back after the girls are born. I hope he still feels that way since his wife is set to have their first baby a few days after my due date. Jesse will try to talk to him and get the low down for me.

We are still keeping and eye on Matti. He had his first accident in his five year life with us this morning. This dog has NEVER peed in the house once. Well apparently the steroids he is on makes him drink more and thus produce more. He always goes potty before going to bed at night and he can make it until 7 am when Jesse gets up for work. Well I did hear him walking around outside our bedroom door at about 5:30. I wish I would have gotten up and let him out, then the poor guy would not of peed on the floor right by the back door. Our only saving grace is that we have hard wood floors and it is easy to clean up his mess. If we had carpet, we would be in need of carpet cleaning service because this is a big dog with a big bladder and the boy can pee like a race horse. So today Sara has taken him out several times to go potty and I will get up at 5 am when I take my meds and see if he needs to go out then. Jesse was really upset about how hard this is on Matti and talked about putting him down this week, but maybe things will improve while we let the medicine take its affect. I just can't imagine life without Matti. Jesse doesn't want to get a new dog for a long time, but maybe after the girls are here we can look into another companion for the family.

Sad news about Matti

Since I have been out of the hospital, Matti's condition has gotten worse. He is to the point where he can barely walk on his front leg. It breaks my heart to see him in pain and not acting like himself.

We took him into the vet this afternoon and I didn't care if I was on bed rest, I was going to see what the vet had to say. The news isn't good. He does have bone cancer and it has progressed significantly in the last 5 weeks. It is hard to tell how fast it will spread in his body. There really isn't any kind of treatment for a dog this big because he ages faster than most dogs. A Great Dane's life expectancy is only about 8 years and Matti is 5 1/2.

The vet gave us some better pain meds and a steroid to help improve his quality of life until we decide to put him down. Dh and I both cried in the treatment room and Matti was just lying there staring at us with his goofy smile. He has been a fantastic dog and even though his size sometimes gets in the way, we love him dearly. I just hope he isn't suffering too badly and we can get a little more time with him. Thanks for all of your help, support, and well wishes.

On a good note, Sara arrived today and she is in the process of moving all her things in and getting settled. I really didn't think about how things would change with a "roommate" in the house. We already thought we were out of space and now we have even more stuff along with Sara's cat. All of that aside, we are so glad to have her here to help while I am on bed rest and then to help raise the girls.

I'm home!!!!

I got released a few days early. I am so excited to be back home and have my own bed, see my pets, and have Jesse right by my side.

I had my gestational diabetes test on Wednesday and I passed it with flying colors, 98!This morning I had an FFN test to predict labor within the next 7 to 14 days, which came back negative. So it looks like I won't be going into labor anytime soon.

They did a growth scan on the girls. Addison is weighing 2 pounds 5 ounces and Riley is 2 pounds 6 ounces. The girls are growing right on track and very close to one another. I can't believe I am carrying almost 5 pounds of baby in me. I didn't gain any weight in the hospital so I am only up 15-16 pounds for the whole pregnancy.Lastly, they did a cervical length check and my cervix has stayed the same measuring at a 1.3.My OB so was so pleased with all the results that she didn't see any need to keep me. I haven't really been contracting so the oral meds Nifetaphine (percardia) is working well and I haven't needed a terb shot to stop contractractions in a week and a half.

I need to be better abour the bed rest and let other people do things for me. So I have batroom privlages and a shower once a day, but that is about it. I need to act like I am in the hospital and stay lying down. Sara will be here on Sunday night and moving in on Monday so I know I will appreciate her help.

Hospital Day 13...6 Days until I am parolled

Now that I am into my 27th week of pregnancy, I only have days left until I get to go home and continue bed rest at in my own bed/couch. Monday should be the day but there are a number of factors that could change my release date.

Starting tomorrow I will have daily NST's (non stress tests) on the babies to make sure they are holding up fine in their confined space that keeps getting smaller by the day. Friday I will have my glucose test to check for gestational diabetes. Then on Saturday I will have a growth scan and cervical length scan. If all checks out fine, I will get my walking papers for the time being. I will continue to stay on the same medication and hope my contractions are very few and far between. I'm still optimistic that I will get the girls to a healthy gestational age and they won't have a very long NICU stay.

Even though I want the girls to stay put, I really can't wait to meet them and get to know them. I dream about them almost every night and in my dreams, Riley looks more like me and Addison takes after Jesse. I'm sure they both will be very beautiful and happy girls!

I want to give a special thanks to my BFF Brea. She came to visit yesterday and she pampered me with a pedicure. She went all out with the sea salt type scrub and the lotion massage and painted my toes and put little butterflies on my big toes. My pedicure looked like a professional took care of me. I don't know how I will ever repay here but maybe if she has another child I will take her out and pay for her pedicure as I don't can't paint nails to save my life.

Wednesday is Jesse and my 3rd wedding anniversary. I'm bummed that we have to spend the day in the hospital. At least I know next year will be better and we will be so happy to be a family of 4.

Hospital Day 11 (NICU Info)

Jesse and I did get a chance to take a tour of the NICU yesterday. Phoenix is large city with many hospitals but there are only 3 hospitals that have an intensive care NICU that takes the most premature babies. I'm so glad to know that this hospital is one of them and one of the best. What we learned is there are three sections that a baby can be in during his/her stay. The smallest most premature babies start out in the ICU part of the NICU where there 1 nurse to 2 babies or even a 1 to 1 ratio. Babies here are on ventilators and feeding tubes. They stay under the photo lights and require extra assistance all throughout their stay. They stay in issoletts. The parents can touch the babies through the sides of the issoletts and after the babies are stable the parents can hold the babies on their chest while they are still hooked up to all the monitors and ventilators. It is important for these babies to feel the skin to skin contact.

Once the babies start getting better at breathing, they are moved to the intermediate section. The babies there are off the ventilators but they may still need help with breathing now and again and may be given extra oxygen to help them breathe. These babies may or may not be feeding through the feeding tubes. Once the babies star breathing on their own and are nippeling effectively then they are moved to the last section.

The last section is where the babies are in their own open crib and can keep their temperature. These babies are eating every 3 hours and nippeling from the bottle or breast at this point. The babies are then released to go home.

We were able to visit a baby boy that was delivered at 27 weeks gestation and he weighed slightly less than 2 pounds. Now I have seen pictures of babies born that early but it was quite a shock to see how small he was. His limbs were barely twigs and he was all covered in wrinkles and hair. About 85% of babies born at this gestation survive, but I was shocked at how tiny and sick he looked. It was interesting to get a perspective on what our girls would look like if they were born now, but I really hope we have another good 8-10 weeks out of this pregnancy.

As of Monday, I have 1 more week left in the hospital and my contractions have really slowed down to just a few a day. I'm confident that the medication is doing its job and now I just have to do my job at home. Sara will be moving in next weekend and she will be able to get things around the house for me so I can concentrate on staying in bed or on the couch and baking my girls.

All I can say is that this next week cannot pass quick enough. I am really getting sick of this bed and the 4 walls that I stare at each day. I know many other women who have stayed longer than I have and I have to admire their ability to do it each day. I'm already going a little crazy and my hormones get the best of me now and again. I have cried about the smallest things while just getting out of my room on a wheelchair ride can lift my spirits 100% for the moment. If I could only have the night nurses, I would probably be doing better, but the day nurses are not friendly people and they can add to my mood.

Okay rant over.....more to come later in the week.

Hospital Day 9

Well I am 26 weeks and 4 days pregnant. That only leaves 10 days until I am released if all goes well. Brea has come to visit with me today and we actually wrote these days and dates on the board so I can see the days tick away and have my immediate goal in mind. Brea has been here all day staying with me for about 10 hours. I almost felt like I was at home hanging out with my friend and her baby rather than being in the hospital. Every once in a while a nurse or my contraction monitor would jolt me back into reality. Some days I just want to sleep and be alone but other days it is really nice to have a friend or family member here to keep me company. I'm so glad Brea can spend the entire day with me while other friends, family, and my husband have to work.

I got to take a wheel chair ride outside. Flowers are in bloom here in Phoenix and I almost felt like I was smelling the flowers for the first time. It is already almost 80 degrees here in phoenix so I was blinded by the sun and very warm, but I enjoyed every second of our 10 minute walk.

I had a good contraction report today. I hardly had any all day which is probably the best report I have had since I've been here. Things are really looking good that I won't have these girls before 28 weeks and I will get to go home in 10 days.

Jesse and I will try to take tour of the NICU tomorrow to get an idea of how they run things and see a few babies that were born close to our gestational age. The NICU does tours based on their schedule so we don't know if we will be able to get in tomorrow or not. I hope that my babies will bake for a while longer and the girls won't have a long NICU stay, but at least I will be prepared for any situation if they do come early than expected.

Hospital Day 8

Well I have officially made it over a week at the hospital. It feels much longer but I am closer to my release date as each day passes. I made sure to ask the doctor today about me going home at 28 weeks. As long as I stay steady and don't go into full blown labor or have the girls...I will be going home Monday the 23rd which will be my 28 week mark.

I'm starting to get into the routine of each day. New morning nurse, blood pressure, meds, breakfast, go back to sleep, wake up, watch TV, more blood pressure and meds, lunch, maybe a shower maybe not, more TV, phone calls, day dream, dinner, night nurse, more blood pressure, more meds, Jesse visits or other visitors, get the laptop, homework, email, maybe post on SK, night snack, more TV, night meds, go to sleep, get woken up for more blood pressure and meds, and then the cycle happens all over again.

I really like the night nurses. For some reason they are more friendly and helpful even though they work the dreaded 6pm to 6am. The day nurses are less attentive and they like to wake me up in the morning when I don't want to be disturbed. There are a few nurses I really like and a few I could tell them to shove it. I'm starting to get an attitude in the morning so maybe they will get the hint. LOL

I only have 4 more days in my online class and then I am taking a 2 week break. Maybe I will get through the next 6 week course before I deliver and maybe not. At this point, I don't care if I miss time in class because my GPA is still pretty high.

That is all I have to report for now. It is hard to come up with things to write since not a lot changes in my life.

Rough Day

Today just wasn't my day. From the moment I woke up, I was having contractions and my uterus was very irritable. They kept waking me up to go to the bathroom to see if that would help my uterus calm down. Eventually they upped the dosage on my medication and things began to calm down.

About the time I was ready to take a shower, the nurse told me they needed to put these really nice tights on my legs to help prevent any blood clots. I was not in the mood to go through getting them on. They are the tightest pantyhose you have ever worn and I was just depressed about having to wear them. Part of me just wished I could go back to being me....and not the pregnant me. Once the leggings were finally on, I accidentally spilled my ice water all over me in bed. I was beginning to think everything was out to get me today.

So after I had a good cry about my situation, it was getting close to lunch time. I waited patiently as the lunch has been a little late the last few days. After an hour and a half I called the nurse and asked why nutrition was so far behind. She was confused as they had already delivered lunch, some how they forgot about me today. So I had to wait another half hour to get my lunch. Really....what else can go wrong today???? Ughh....

So finally I ate and got a chance to take a shower. Maybe that is what I needed because I felt much better. A good friend from work came to visit and we swapped pregnancy struggles as she is 36 weeks pregnant. I was in a better mood when she left and I know my parents are coming out to visit and play some cards with me while we watch "The Biggest Loser".

I am just hoping the rest of the day is better and my hormones get back in check.

Hospital Day 6

Here we are....another day in paradise. Today I hit 26 weeks where the girls have a 75% survival rate. Each day I get through is better and better for the survival rate. At 28 weeks they have a 95% rate yet they will still need to spend at least 6 weeks in the NICU after being born at 28 weeks. I still have my sights set on getting to around 34 weeks or more. My hospital stay will be 2 more weeks from today if all goes well. My sister will be moving in with us the weekend before I am set to be released. She will be able to help me stay on the couch and rest as I am supposed to.

Yesterday I got to have along shower and feel a little normal, but today I am tired and run down. I did have several visitors and math homework to finish yesterday so maybe my body is run down today. I'm free from all the IV's and wires for now. They still need to monitor my contractions for 1 hour twice a day. This morning I had 4 contractions while I was sleeping and I didn't feel a thing. For the most part, I don't feel the contractions and that is why I need to stay in the hospital for monitoring.

Overall the hospital is not that bad. The food choices are nice and I like that I am waited on hand and foot. The TV shows are getting old but I am usually too tired to read or spend much time on the internet. The visitors are a nice break from the slow day, but other times I like that I don't have to entertain anyone. My spirits are good and I am hopeful for a positive outcome. I can't wait for the day I get to hold my healthy girls in my arms.

Hospital Day 4

Today has been a better day. I was taken off of the magnesium and I feel more like myself. My contractions are being controlled just fine off of the oral medications. I have my IV taken off as well so now I can get into my own clothes rather than the very cute hospital gowns I have been wearing.

Jesse came up for a visit today but I spend most of the day sleeping and watching bad TV movies. Sometimes I do enjoy the time alone, but other times it is nice to talk to see someone or carry on a conversation.

I'm trying hard to keep up with my online class. I only have 1 more week after this Tuesday so I should make it through. Then I will need a break because it is so hard to get online here at the hospital.

The girls are doing better now as well. They didn't like the medication and they were not moving as much as usual but it is normal for the babies to feel just as bad as the mother. At least we are all doing a bit better today. Eating is a struggle because I don't have as much room left in my stomach as the girls grow. The food actually tastes good in the hospital which is ironic...I just wish I could eat more of it.

I'm signing off for now to get some rest.

Latest Hospital Stay

To start from the beginning, I had some extra discharge that was abnormal so I called my doctor and waited for a call back. I really thought everything was okay, but I wanted to double check with my OB. Later in the afternoon the medical assistant called back and told me it would be best for me to go to the hospital and get checked out at Labor and Delivery.

Dad stopped by and picked me up and brought mom and I to the hospital. We went in and they did a swab test on the discharge to see if it was amniotic fluid. While they were waiting for the test to come back, they hooked me up to the contraction monitor. During the wait I was having contractions every 2 minutes lasting for more than 40 seconds. At this point, they had to admit me to the hospital.

They immediately started me on a shot Terbutiline (sp?) that helps stop contractions and makes your heart race like crazy. Then they hooked me up to an IV and started Magnesium. The two drugs are fast acting and really help in situations of pre-term labor. Unfortunately, the medications are not very comfortable to be on. I had hot flashes like crazy and later in the evening I started getting sick.

After a night of close monitoring in Labor and Delivery, I was transferred back to the Antipartum department where I was last time I was in the hospital. After several time of throwing up, I finally felt like myself later in the day on Thursday.

Jesse was here and we got a chance to talk to the doctors. At 25 1/2 weeks, the babies have some chance of survival, but each day I can stay pregnant will do wonders for the babies. The immediate goal is to get to 28 weeks where the survival rate is 95%. The girls would still have side effects of premature birth and would have to spend several weeks in the NICU, but they would have a fighting chance.

So the plan as it stands now is to keep me in bed at the hospital until I reach 28 weeks and if they can control the contractions on oral medication, I can go back to bed rest at home with a goal of getting as close to 36 weeks as possible.

I have very limited internet access, but I hope to get on the computer at least once a day to post any updates.

More Belly

Thanks to a fantastic friend on my message board SK, I have this picture collage from the day I found out I was pregnant. I have been pretty good about taking a new picture every 3-4 weeks and now it is fun to see the progression through the pregnancy. I tried to show it to Jesse last night and his response was "I see you every day honey, I know your belly is getting bigger". Argh...men! I'm sure some of you will think it is neat to see the progression.

This is a weird week for me. I don't have any doctor appointments now that I am done with the cervical length checks. I am now seeing my OB every 2 weeks. That is more comforting than seeing her every 4 weeks, although it is hard to not get a weekly update.

My next appointment is Tuesday March 10th with my OB and I will have my glucose test done that day as well. Let’s hope I pass because I love, love, love my carbs!

Belly Update....25 weeks now.

For those of you who were at my shower 2 weeks ago, you may be able to see a big change in how big I am getting. The girls have gone through a couple of growth spurts during the last two weeks and I hope they are putting on lots of weight. I am happy to report that I don't have any stretch marks yet, but I am sure I will be eating those words here soon at the rate I am growing.