Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

Saturday, March 28, 2009


It is so hard to do daily things without thinking about the big hole that is missing from our lives. Matti would follow us around the house. He always wanted to be where the action was. He would be so silly to actually follow me to the bathroom and go in with me. He would follow Jesse around the house and go outside with him every time Jesse went out. He always had a happy smile on his face and never showed any signs of being in a bad mood.

I find it hard to go many hours without crying or having an intense emotional moment when thinking about our dear friend. I downloaded every picture we had of Matti and sent them to be printed. I have started a memory book, but it is hard to concentrate and not drift off thinking about sweet memories.

Friday was the worst because it was the first morning I didn't have to wake up to let Matti out to go potty or fill up his food bowl or pet him. Matti was always so excited when one of us got up in the morning. He missed us while we slept and loved to have our attention. It was nice that Sara was here cooking breakfast but we both noticed the silence in the house. Matti wasn't running around or begging for food.

I got onto SK and read all the nice responses from my cyber friends about our loss. Each post made me cry even more, but I was blessed to have so many people with kind words to say. Brea decided that she was coming over to help cheer me up. That helped because it is so hard to sit at home and feel the void missing from our lives. Jesse was able to go to work and distract himself while I had to sit at home and dwell on the sadness.

Luckily Brea had been working on a project since I was put into the hospital and today was the perfect day to use that project to cheer me up. She had contacted one of the hosts on the SK website to help her secretly obtain letters from all my friends who were sending well wishes after my second hospital stay. It is amazing to know that many of us have grown so close over the internet sharing infertility stories and pregnancy problems without having met in real life. It was so sweet to read all the nice letters and know that many people are cheering me on during this pregnancy and they are praying that Addison and Riley will be healthy and happy when they are born. The scrapbook was just what I need to feel better and concentrate on something other than the deep loss I felt.

As the time passes I cry a little less, but I still miss our sweet dog. I know he isn't suffering any longer, but that doesn't make my heart feel better. I can't even type this blog entry without tears running down my face. For now I will cherish the pictures we have and play all the good memories through my mind. I know it will get easier as time passes and I hope I can smile each time I think of Matti rather than cry for our loss.


  1. I'm so glad you liked the scrapbook, I was so pleased that Brea put that together, it was an awesome idea. I hope all is well.

  2. I'm so sorry you had to put him down. I had to put my 15 year old beagle down a little over a year ago and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. Although you'll always miss Matti, your sadness slowly but surely turns in to sweet and funny memories that make you smile whenever you think about him.

  3. Hey friend,

    I sent your blog link to Brad and he is so sad for Matti. He even shed a tear. I hope you feel better soon.