I thought that 10 weeks after the girls were born would be a sufficient amount of time to spend with the girls before I went back to work. I am quickly finding out that it is NOT enough time. I don't think I would be completely happy being a stay at home mom, but I wish I could just work part-time instead of full-time. I am lucky to have my sister sign up for the job of being the girls nanny. I don't have to pack the girls up and take them to a daycare. I just get to leave them home in their own environment to sleep and play with my sister.
Since Jesse went back to work yesterday I got to see how hard the job is to take care of both girls by yourself. I worry that the job will be too difficult for my sister to handle. She may surprise me and do just fine, but when both girls are crying at the same time and you don't have an extra hand to help you out, things can seem overwhelming. With that being said, we are doing a trial run today and tomorrow. Sara will take the girls at the time I would be at work and pretend like I'm not here to see the girls sleeping and eating patterns. I have plenty of errands to run to get ready for work on Monday so this situation works out well for both us. Sara can see what the job entails during the day and I can get more done and we can both see how the situation will work. My mom has offered to watch the girls two days a week on Monday and Fridays. If Sara is not up to watching the girls 5 days a week my mom can come two days a week to help out but my mom lives almost an hour away and if we don't need her it would be better. In the next couple of days we can see how Sara handles the job and decide what the best course of action will be.
As for me, I am getting more anxious about not being here with my girls, especially Addison and her heart condition. We have been lucky and she hasn't had another episode of SVT since her one episode in the NICU. Her medication seems to be doing the job of keeping her heart in the proper rhythm but it is hard to rely on anyone to watch her closely. I trust my sister but I also hate to give up control to another person. I live with the mentality...."if you want something done right, you do it yourself". I know that I need to learn to let others do things and trust that the girls will be okay. All in all, I think it will take me a while to get used to being back at work after 6 months off, and my sister will take some time getting used to being a full time nanny. I hope it all works out for everyone and we can be a happy family together. Just pray I don't cry too much next week when I am away from my girls.
18 months in review
1 month ago