Kangaroo Care

Today we got to spend more time with the girls where Riley's crib was wheeled into Addison's room. Jesse and I spend time holding the girls in Kangaroo care. We haven't done that since the day after they were born. Addison spent time on daddy's chest and Riley spent a little time with me. We also put both girls in one of the cribs, just to see them lying next to each other again. I can't wait to get them home so I can have them next to each other as much as possible. I'm just so in love with my girls. They are both so sweet and hardly ever cry. Sometimes I wonder how got to be so lucky to have both of them here and doing so well.

Sisters

So I started to wonder if my girls even remember each other, especially since they haven't been next to each other since the day they were born. Through their travels through the NICU they have been in separate incubators and separate cribs. Even now that they are in the continuing care nursery, they are in separate rooms. The NICU has a couple of twin rooms but the girls aren't in the pod that has the adjoining twin rooms.

So when I came to visit the girls, the nurses suggested that we wheel Riley's crib into Addison's room so they could be by each other. Riley is more stable and requires less monitoring so it was easy to move her over to Addison's room and hook her up to the small monitor that she needed. I was so excited to get the girls next to each other so they could feel their sister next to them. I finally got a look at the girls and I can see the differences between them. In the same respect, I can see the similarities, they are just harder to see since Riley is smaller in the face. I also learned that Riley had done 4 feedings in a row where she finished her entire bottle. Addison had done 2 and was completing most of her bottle with just a little help of her feeding tube. Aunt Joan came up to visit the girls and she had a great time holding Addison and taking pictures and videos of the girls.

Their weights as of today were:
Addison ~ 5 pounds 5 ounces up 1 pound and 1 ounce from her birth weight
Riley ~ 4 pounds 14 ounces up 1 pound and 2 ounces from her birth weight

The doctors also order an echocardiogram on both girls and everything appears to be normal on each girl. Addison's problem appears to be under control and more of a one time thing as of right now. The doctors don't anticipate her having any more trouble from her heart at this point but we still need to look for the signs that she is going into an abnormal rhythm. They say that she will start to look pale, get extra fussy, and either throw up her feedings or not want to eat at all. In the NICU, they can see her heart rate at all times but we will need to pay extra attention to make sure she is in a normal heart rhythm.

5 Pound Milestone

My big girl Addison is finally above 5 pounds. She has been consistently gaining weight everyday and as of today, she weighs 5 pounds 1.3 ounces. With the amount she has been pooping out, I am surprised she is gaining so much weight, but I guess it isn't all running through her. LOL Riley is gaining steadily also. She is 4 pounds 9.4 ounces. She takes a few less ml per feeding as her sister so her weight gain is slower but still very good for her smaller size.

They are both still working on their feedings. Some feedings they nipple half or most of their bottle, and other times they don't even want to try and eat. It really depends on how awake they are. Preemies have to work so hard to eat and learn the suck, swallow, and breathe sequence. I am proud of the progress they have made and they will figure this all out in due time. I am thankful for the time in the NICU even though it isn't an ideal situation. I have been able to learn how to care for them, change them, bathe them, feed them, burp them, and find what positions they like best before I even bring them home. I was scared to me a mom and take care of two babies, but I feel confident in my abilities after the extra help from the nurses.

Today great grandma Jean and Fabulous Aunt Shannon came to visit the girls. It is some much easier to have visitors now that the girls are in the continuing care nursery and they are in open cribs. Visitors can touch and hold the babies and I have the freedom to do all their care instead of relying on a nurse to open their pods for visitors. I am very blessed to have so much family here to help and love the girls. Tomorrow Aunt Joan is coming to see the babies and take some video of them. She plans to take several videos over time and give them to the girls when they are older. I want to say thank you to all my family and friends that have been here for me during my tough pregnancy and now this road through the NICU. I love you all!

Progress on the Feedings

The doctor ordered a consult with a speech therapist for the girls’ feedings. The pathologist came and watched how the girls were feeding and listened to their sucking and breathing techniques. She quickly saw a problem with the way the girls were trying to feed. They were both sucking well, too well in fact, that they were getting overwhelmed and that is why they would shut down or go to sleep during their feeds.

She suggested laying the girls on their side rather than trying to hold the girls upright to feed. She also wanted the nipple to only be half full when they fed so they wouldn't get overwhelmed with milk in their mouth making it hard to breathe. Once we tried this with Addison, she quickly caught on and did over 30ml with me feeding her. Riley did better as well but she is too eager to eat and has trouble remembering to breathe. She did about 15ml of quality feeding though.

Later on the nurses called me after I left to say that Addison did her entire bottle on her own. She did all 50ml through the bottle and was very awake the whole time. Riley did about 20ml. I think my girls are really making progress and should start getting the hang of things soon. The doctor thinks they will be home in about a week and a half or 2 weeks at the most. I am very excited and very nervous for them to come home. We finished the nursery and got all their clothes and toys put away. I still plan on putting a few things on the walls but at least they have a clean place to come home.

Tomorrow is bath day and I will get some good pictures of Addison's bath since I missed her last one while she was in the ICU. I hope both girls continue to do well with their feedings. Addison is less than 1 ounce away from 5 pounds and Riley is over 4 and half pounds. Both are consistently gaining weight. I am so proud of them both.

My first Mother's Day

Now this is a strange change of life where you go from celebrating your own mother on mother's day to being a mother yourself. Jesse worked with the nurses in the NICU to get the girl's foot prints put on the inside of my mother's day card. The card had a butterfly on the front and the nurses turned the foot prints into butterflies on the inside. I plan to frame the card and keep it safe as a momento of my first mother's day.

The NICU nurses also made cards for all the mother's with the babies foot prints in each card. I can go back and remember how tiny their feet actually were when they are older.

The girls are both doing very well again. Riley made it out into her open crib and has done very well with keeping her temperature. She is only taking about 10-15ml at her best on her feedings. The nurses are confident that they are getting close to figuring things out. Addison has not had any more episodes with her heart and she is back in continuing care in the same room she was in before. It is looking like they will be in the NICU for a couple of more weeks since they haven't made too much progress on the feedings.

Jesse is going back to work tomorrow and will stay working until the girls get to come home. Then he will take a few more weeks off to help me and Sara with the girls. I believe I have 6 more weeks before I have to go back but I may have a few extra weeks with the extended leave they have me on at work. I am still in the process of figuring everything out with HR.

Addison's Update

My big girl is doing very well. She hasn't had any episodes since the one yesterday. The medication they have her on seems to be working and she seems very happy and content. She is even doing better on her feedings. I think it was hard for her to go so long without eating and she was eager to get her tummy full so she drank 20ml from the bottle and they haven't put her feeding tube back in yet. She used the faster nipple and did better. The slow nipple seems to wear her out to fast. She was smiling at me and making cute faces while I fed her today.

The cardiologist called and talked to Jesse today. He says that Addison is responding well to the medication and they plan to monitor her closely to make sure she doesn't go into another bad arrhythmia. Her echocardiogram was pretty much normal. She does have a small hole in one of the chambers but that is normal for her gestation and it should close on its own. I asked when she could come back to the continuing care nursery and be by her sister and the PA gave me a "look" when I asked that like I was trying to speed things along. In reality I just wanted to know what the plan was. She said Addison will be in the ICU for a "while" longer and her move is based on the nurses’ schedule and her acuity. So basically they have no idea. I just hate the not knowing part of this journey but each day is a day closer to them coming home and I just keep saying my prayers that they will remain healthy and come home when they are ready.

Riley is doing very well and is completely stable. She is less interested in nippling her milk, but I know she will get it very soon. She just melts my heart when she makes faces while I hold her and looks my direction when I talk to her. I will be so happy when she gets into her open crib and that should happen very soon.

Scare with Addison

Things were going very well with both girls up until today. Jesse and I went up to the NICU and he got a phone call right outside so I went in alone. I walked into Addison's room and she wasn't in there. I quickly found a nurse who told me that she had a very high heart rate and they moved her back to the ICU. I was freaking out. The nurse took me back to the ICU and there were about 5 doctors and several nurses all around Addison.

We learned that there is something wrong with her heart that allows the blood to run through it improperly and causes a high heart rate. They gave us the technical term and the cardiologist drew a diagram to show us what happened. Basically she will have to be on medication for at least the 1st year of her life and she can have more episodes like this now and again. She may even need to go home on a portable monitor to record her heart for periods of 24 hours.

I so scared to see her like that even though the doctors said she was fine. It was just so hard to see her being worked on and to know she was back in the ICU. They found Jesse outside and brought him in and we stayed with her for a little while. They told us she will need a few days back in the ICU. She won't get fed for 24 hours because they don't know if the blood was flowing properly to her bowels.

I went back to the visit both girls and Addison's rhythm was much better and her heart rate finally went down to the 140's where it has been most of the time. She was sleeping and the nurses wanted her to rest as much as possible because if she wakes up, she will probably be very hungry after not being fed for most of the day. We plan to hear more tomorrow after we see the cardiologist again.

It makes me sad that the girls are not close together, but it looks like Addison should come back to the continuing care nursery soon if all stays stable. Riley is doing well but she is in a period of not wanting to nipple much of her meals. She loves her paci but doesn't know what to do when milk is coming out of the nipple. Maybe she will do better after a little more time.

Progress

The girls continue to make progress each day. They moved from the ICU portion of the NICU to the intermediate care last Wednesday and last night they moved from the intermediate care to the last step, "continuing care nursery". They both are gaining weight slowly and Addison got to move out of her isollette into an open crib yesterday. Riley needs a few more days of steady weight gain before she gets her open crib.

The main road block in the way of them coming home is the feeding. The need to be able to nipple all of their meals on a consistant basis. Addison is taking 41 ml of expressed breat milk and Riley is taking 37ml. Addison was able to nipple 10ml today with me feeding her and Riley did 13ml with the nurse earlier in the day but only did 5ml with Jesse feeding her. They both have a hard time eating when they are tired. They need to be fully awake otherwise they don't take much from the bottle. The remainder of their milk is fed through their feeding tubes. The nurses work with the babies more in the continuing care nursery rather than always feeding them through the feeding tubes like the nurses did in the intermediate care nursery. I hope after a few weeks of trying, they will be able finish all of their milk and be ready to go home.

I have to go back to work after 8 weeks after my delivery and I'm just worried that I won't get much time with them at home. The doctor today said they may still be in the hospital for another 3-4 weeks. That shocked me, but I hope the girls prove the doctors wrong.

Day Five

Today is bath day for the girls. They got a bath the night they were born but we didn't get to see that bath. We are so excited to learn how to bathe them. Right now they are just getting a sponge bath in their beds. Until they get their IV's out, they can't have a real bath. The doctor said Addison will be off of her IV by tomorrow night and Riley should follow a day or so later. Since Riley is smaller, she gets less milk and won't be up to full feeds as quick as Addison. The good news is Riley gets off of her photo lights today!

Riley got her bath first. She cried and cried the entire time. The nurses say that the babies don't really like the sponge baths. They seem to enjoy the full baths later on. It was so cute to see her so upset about her bath. Once they got her dry, she was happy as a clam. Since she was getting off of the photo lights, she was able to wear clothes for the first time. She got a preemie onesie and it was still so big on her 3 pound 12 ounce body.

Addison's bath was second and I got to do her bath by myself. She was just like her sister...screaming her head off the entire time. She got her hair washed since her IV is not in her head like her sister's IV. She looked so beautiful once I was done. I got to hold and feed her afterwards and she was able to nipple 3ml of her milk and that is the most she has done. She probably would have done more but she got the hiccups and couldn't get the suck, swallow breathe sequence along with the hiccups.

Day Four

Today is a big day. The girls are moving out of the ICU portion of the NICU to the intermediate care. This means the girls aren't sick enough to need constant care and monitoring but they aren't well enough to go home yet. They still need to work on keeping their temperature and learn how to nipple feed all of their meals. The doctors are increasing their milk intake every six hours. The plan is to have them up to full feeds which is 37ml by the weekend. Once they are up to full feeds, they can be taken off of the IV's and be a little more free and have less things hooked up to them.

Riley's levels went down dramatically so she should be able to get off the photo lights by tomorrow. Addison is not breaking hers down as well as her sister, she will probably need a few extra days on the lights.

I still get sad to leave the girls in the NICU everyday but I know they are in good care and we will have them home soon enough. Jesse and I are working hard to get the nursery finished and buy the last minute items to make sure we are ready to take them home.

Day Three

Today is my mom's birthday and she came out to visit the babies with my Aunt Diane. The doctors are saying that Addison should get off of her CPAP and we are so excited to see her face without the breathing tubes in her nose. Our Riley has lost a little weight and Addison has gained a little bit. Besides the weight, Riley is the one who is making milestones faster. It must be the 2nd born syndrome. She may have come out second but she has something to prove.

We also learned that both girls are jaundice and will need a few days on the photo therapy lights. When the girls are on the lights, we can't hold them as much. The girls can only have 20 minutes outside of their beds to make sure they get the maximum exposure to the lights. Riley is practicing taking her milk through the bottle top more and more giving us signs that she will probably be the first to switch to nipple feeds rather than her feeding tube. They had to move her IV today and the best spot was to put it in her head right by her forehead. It looks really barbaric but there are little nerve endings in the head and she didn't even cry. Now she has little chance of pulling her IV out.

My milk has mostly come in today. I'm only getting about an ounce or less out of each breast but I'm sure my body will work its way up to more as the girls need more.

Day Two

Today is my last day in the hospital. I will finally be released after a long road of 15 weeks of bed rest, 6 of those weeks were spent in the beautiful antepartum women's center. I am glad I won't be sleeping in a hospital bed away from my husband and home, but I am a little sad to leave my little girls there. Although I was completely prepared for a NICU stay, I am still sad to know we can't take our girls with us. At least we do have time to prepare the rest of the nursery and get the last few items we need.

I went up to the NICU early for the girls morning care. Riley was taken off of her CPAP yesterday night and Addison is expected to get hers off tomorrow. Riley is doing really well at sucking on her paci while Addison really has no interest in the sucking reflex quite yet. Riley lost 2 ounces and Addison gained 2 ounces. Today will be their first feeding on my colostrum and some supplemental formula. We tried to get a little formula in Riley's mouth while she sucked on her paci. She did well so we tried a little formula in a bottle top and she was able to suck out 2ml but got tired. I am proud of her for trying a little and it was so cute to see her little mouth trying to eat.

We are working on the Kangaroo care where the babies lay on our bare chests with just their diaper on and they get the needed "skin to skin" action of being in the womb. Riley laid on Jesse's chest and Addison spent almost 2 hours with me. It is so nice to have them so close after not having them in my belly anymore. That is such a weird feeling to not be pregnant and not feel their movements all the time. Sometimes I forget they aren't there.

We took my sister Sara up to see the girls. She was out of town when the girls were born and we had no idea I would go into labor so soon. My parents came with and the girls got to meet their aunt and grandparents for the first time.

Day One

The girls are 1 day old today. Last night after I went to see them in the NICU after delivery, I had to go back to my postpartum room to recover as I was so exhausted that I couldn't even concentrate on what the nurses were telling me about the status of our girls. I went back to my room to learn how to start pumping my breast milk to be sent to the NICU for the girls to eat. I slept some of the night and woke up to pump what little amount of colostrum I could. I woke up early on Day 1, showered, ate a little breakfast and then walked myself up to the NICU. I was a little sore but nothing was keeping me from seeing my babies.

I got up to the NICU and met our day nurse Laurie. She explained that both girls were on CPAP which is pressurized air that inflates the girls lungs to keep them from working too hard. The CPAPs used forced room air to keep the lungs inflated. They both had IV's to get sugar water and electrolytes into the girls and they would begin feeding in a day or so. Once they were ready to feed, they would get my breast milk and formula through a feeding tube until they are able to nipple off of a bottle. Traditionally, babies don't have the suck, breathe, and swallow reflex until around 34 weeks gestation or so. It would be at least a week or so before the girls start trying to eat without the use of the feeding tubes.

I went to each issolette and I got to touch my babies and talk to each one of them. Just as I was getting ready to hold them I started feeling light headed and I had to sit down. At this point the nurse thought it would be safer to have me wait to hold them. I waited for Jesse to get to the hospital and he was able to hold Addison for the first time. We came back later in the day and I was able to hold Riley.

We learned that the girls would be on a care schedule of every three hours and they would get their temp taken, diaper changed, face cleaned and the nurse would listen to their hearts, lungs, and bellies. The parents are shown how to change the diapers and take their temps and eventually how to help in their feedings. So although the girls are so small, we learned how to move them and touch them in order to help in their care.

My emotions were of pure joy that girls were finally here and they seem to be stable even though they were born 7 weeks early. We were given a 2-3 week time frame before the girls would come home with us.

Birth Story

On Saturday April 25th I woke up not feeling like myself. I was a little sick to my stomach and I was very tired. I went back to sleep after my morning monitoring which I normally didn't do. I slept until noon when lunch came. I then spent 3 hours trying to work on my homework and I was feeling contractions throughout the day but they didn't seem to have a rhythm to them at all. In the afternoon I took another nap until dinner came. I didn't eat much of my dinner and I still felt a little sick.

The night nurse came in to check on my and I told her I had been feeling crampy all day and the contractions were becoming more painful. She put me on the contraction monitor and during the hour I had 8 contractions and I was starting to feel the pain as they came. At that point the nurse wasn't too concerned but I told her about the cramps and the pain and she decided to call the doctor on call to see what they wanted to do since I could not take any more terb shots and I had denied anymore Magnesium.

The doctor said to have the nurse check me to see if I was starting to dilate. They checked me and I was still really closed but about 95% effaced. At this point they told me to drink a bunch of water to help slow down the contractions. After an hour, I got up to go pee from all the water. I finished in the bathroom and went to climb into bed. At that point, my water broke in a small gush. At first I didn't think it was my water so I got up to go pee again and a second burst came at that point.

I called the nurses in and they quickly got me back into bed and tested my fluid to make sure the fluid was amniotic fluid. I called Jesse and the family to let them know what had happened. The test came back positive so it was off to Labor and Delivery. I got settled in L&D and I could feel the contractions coming but they were not bad in the beginning. The nurse said I could take some pain medication at any time. I labored for about 2 hours and then requested the pain medication.

A few hours later the nurse checked me and told me I was 6cm dilated and they needed to call anesthesia right away to get my epidural. Since I was having twins, I had to have the epidural in case an emergency c-section was needed. After I got the epidural I felt much better. I did get sick from the pain meds/epidural and threw up 2-3 times through out the night. I was able to sleep off and on.

The nurse came back to check me and this time she had a weird look on her face. She called in another nurse to check me. Well come to find out, I was only 2-3 cm dilated. The 1st nurse didn’t know what she was doing. The doctor came in shortly after and stretched my cervix to about 5cm. I then went back to sleep and a few hours later I was at 8-9cm. They thought it would be another couple of hours before I got to 10cm, but 30 minutes later they checked me again and there was only a small part of my cervix left. She had me push and I became complete.

Although my doctor was off for the weekend she did say she wanted to deliver me and came in right away. I was set up in the OR with the neonatal team ready to help the girls. I started pushing and in 4-5 rounds of pushing, I delivered Addison. They put her on my chest and Jesse cut her cord. They took her away to start cleaning her off. Quickly they did an ultrasound and Riley was head down but she also had her feet by her head. My doctor had me push and she tried to move her feet. She then had me push again and Riley came out head first with her feet by her face like a pancake. She was crying and they put her on my chest and Jesse cut her cord as well. In 10 minutes and a few short pushes, I brought my girls into the world.

The girls are here!!!

My water broke on Saturday night and my plans to stay pregnant for a few more weeks quickly changed. I was sent to Labor and Delivery at 9pm and I was complete and ready to push at 11:30 am the next morning.

Addison arrived at 12:33 pm after 5 quick pushes. She came out crying and had a head full of dark brown hair. She weighed 4 pounds 6 ounces, and 18 inches long

Riley came out at 12:41 pm after 2 pushes with her head and feet together like a pancake. She had a lot less hair and her hair is lighter than her sisters. She weighed 3 pounds 12 ounces, and 17 inches long.

Both were taken to the NICU where they will stay for another 2-3 weeks. They are breathing room oxygen with a little help of CPAP to keep their lungs open.

I will post a full birth story in the next few days and I will add pictures.

Thanks for sharing in this journey with us and we are so happy to finally have our girls here.

It has been too long since I updated the blog

I have now been back in the hospital for over a week and I am just getting settled into a routine...if you want to call it that. I had to order my own internet service for the hospital since they don't have WIFI or allow you to connect their network. I didn't get up and running until Thursday and I had so much homework to catch up on. I think I am finally getting back to normal with my studies.

I have had more visitors this last week than I had when I was here before and I end up being really tired after they leave. I'm not sleeping well at night which is a given if you are in a hospital. Part of the problem is the noise and he nurses coming in to give me my medication, the other part is the constant need to use the restroom. Ah...the joys of pregnancy.

I am just shy of 32 weeks now so I only have 2 more weeks left in my jail sentence and then I hope to get two more weeks out of the pregnancy at home. My OB is pretty sure that if I make it to 36 weeks, the girls won't need to spend much if any time in the NICU. I would be so happy to know we could take them home and they would be happy healthy babies. We also discussed a vaginal delivery if both girls are head down. I would be so happy to give birth to my girls and go through the labor process rather than knowing I was going straight to a c-section and a long recovery. So wish me luck that these girls will cooperate with my plan. :)

Back to my home away from home...

Yep....I am back in the hospital. This is my third admission and they are telling me I need to stay here until I reach 34 weeks. Bleh!

Yesterday I went in for the FFN test and more monitoring like they asked me to. The bleeding had stopped and I just had some brown discharge. Well I went in and they weren't going to do the FFN test at first because any blood on the swab can give a false positive. So they just started with an NST on the girls and during that time I had a bunch of contractions. Well of course I contract a bunch when they lay me on my back on the hard triage beds with several straps around my belly.

Well the contractions were a "concern" so they called me OB on her day off and she told them to have another cervical length done. They take me to ultrasound and the bad news is that my cervix went from a 1.0 to a .84. So this really got them scared so I got my one way ticked back to the antepartum department. I haven't actually seen my OB about the situation but her partner is the one that said I would be here for a while and they want to get me to 34 weeks before they think about releasing me "again".

I was so mad yesterday that they let me go after the bleeding and then they admit me for contractions the next day. Oh and the FFN test came back negative by the way. I guess my pregnancy hormones are not having anymore of this bed rest, hospital stay, back to bed rest, back to hospital stay. I want my girls as healthy as possible but I can't stand being here.

So there is my update for now. Maybe I will know more on Monday when my OB is back.

Bleeding

Just wanted to give you a quick update. I woke up at 6am on Thursday to pee as normal but I was bleeding. I describe it as the bleeding when you're period is starting. I was really worried about the pregnancy and thought I might be going into some kind of labor or one of the placentas was coming lose so I woke up Jesse and Sara and we headed to the hospital.

When we got to the hospital and I was put on the heart rate monitors and the girls were fine but I was contracting quite a bit and they didn't know what was causing the bleeding. They called my OB and she ordered an ultrasound to check on the bleeding and an NST to check on the girls. The ultrasound didn't reveal any reason for the bleeding and the girls were looking perfect. Addison is estimated to weigh 3 pounds 6 ounces and Riley was 3 pounds 3 ounces. During the NST I had several contractions so they gave me a terb shot which stopped the contractions. At this point they sent me to and told me to come back the next day for another FFN test since they couldn't do that test if I was bleeding because it would lead to a false positive.

We left and I went home to rest.

Nothing new

I haven't had much to say lately so I haven't made an update. All is going well. The girls are moving around all the time in my belly. I often wonder when they sleep because at least one is kicking or punching around the clock. Maybe they are sleeping when I sleep because they aren't waking me up at night. I'm so glad I don't have to wonder if they are moving enough because any time I stop to make sure they are moving...they give me a big kick to let me know all is well.

I finished my first week of the accounting class so I only have 5 weeks left and I hope the girls let me finish before making their arrival. Jesse started a 4 week class today and he is convinced that he won't make it through the class before I have the girls. I just hope he is wrong.

The weather in Phoenix is beautiful and I am spending more time outside reading and lounging by the pool. I feel a little more normal when I can do things like that rather than having to stay in the house. I'm getting my vitamin D from the sun along with a little tan.

I'm looking forward to Friday where we go back to PPA and have a growth scan. Friday is half day at work for Jesse to celebrate Good Friday and he is able to make it to the appointment. It has been a while since he has seen an ultrasound and I'm sure he will be amazed at how big the girls are getting. I am hoping they are just over 3 pounds each. I read that from week 30 on, babies put on a 1/2 pound a week until delivery. I hope I am eating enough and taking good care of the girls so they can put on as much weight as possible.

Next week, Brea is coming over to help me finish the nursery. Most of the room is done but we need to put up the art work and arrange a few things. This weekend, Jesse needs to install the car seat bases and take the car to the fire station to make sure they are installed correctly. I don't want to be scrambling around to get that task done later on.

So all is well at with me and the girls at the moment. I see light at the end of the tunnel. I talked to my boss yesterday and my job is secure so that is a relief that I will be able to go back to work when it is time.

Another Class

I decided to change my major from a traditional MBA to an MBA with an emphasis in Healthcare Administration. I think that concentrating on the healthcare field will be a better route than just concentrating on business. I started an accounting class on Tuesday and I had a little talk with the girls asking them to wait out the six weeks before they make their arrival. That would put me right before my OB's goal of getting to 36 weeks.

The time seems to by flying by right now. I am in shock that this pregnancy could be over in the next 6 to 8 weeks. Some days I feel like time is standing still because I don't get to do much, but other times I wake up and I am in shock that I will have 2 baby girls in my arms very soon.

Sara has been a big help around the house. She does an excellent job cooking meals for us and taking care of things around the house for me. This allows me to stay lying on the couch instead of getting up for every little thing. We both decided to lay out on the lounge chairs by the pool on Monday and we stayed out a little too long. I burned the tops of my feet and my chest where I missed the sun block and she was burned really bad on her chest. We enjoyed our day out in the sun but we need a few days to recover before we try that again. This time we will be covered from head to toe in sun block thanks to the Arizona heat. The pool is still cold at 60 degrees but I hope at some point I can just float on a raft and read a book in the pool before these girls come.

Week 29 Appointment

My OB was so happy to see me still pregnant a week after being released from the hospital. My appointment was coded wrong and the whole office staff thought I was coming in for a post-op appointment from the hospital meaning I had given birth. They were glad the girls were still tucked in tight inside of me. The medical assistant was confused for a few minutes wondering why I still looked so big and why I needed to go into the ultrasound room rather than the regular exam room.

My doctor did a quick ultrasound and both girls were head down and moving like crazy. They are growing big and I will have another growth scan next week at the specialists office. I go back to my OB in 2 weeks for another FFN test to predict labor and then I will start seeing her every week until the girls are born. Our goal is to get to 36 weeks so that leaves me with 7 more weeks to that goal. Of course I could still deliver anytime, but I am glad to know that even if I make it to the end...I only have at most...9 more weeks of pregnancy left. Woohoo.

I am starting to have more aches and pains now that I am getting bigger. I have trouble getting up off the couch or out of the bath tub. I am happy to know I don't have much longer until my body can work on getting back to normal.

I am so excited to meet our girls and see what they look like and learn their personalities, but I do want them to stay put a while longer. In the meantime, I will enjoy my extra sleep and rest.

Changes

It is so hard to do daily things without thinking about the big hole that is missing from our lives. Matti would follow us around the house. He always wanted to be where the action was. He would be so silly to actually follow me to the bathroom and go in with me. He would follow Jesse around the house and go outside with him every time Jesse went out. He always had a happy smile on his face and never showed any signs of being in a bad mood.

I find it hard to go many hours without crying or having an intense emotional moment when thinking about our dear friend. I downloaded every picture we had of Matti and sent them to be printed. I have started a memory book, but it is hard to concentrate and not drift off thinking about sweet memories.

Friday was the worst because it was the first morning I didn't have to wake up to let Matti out to go potty or fill up his food bowl or pet him. Matti was always so excited when one of us got up in the morning. He missed us while we slept and loved to have our attention. It was nice that Sara was here cooking breakfast but we both noticed the silence in the house. Matti wasn't running around or begging for food.

I got onto SK and read all the nice responses from my cyber friends about our loss. Each post made me cry even more, but I was blessed to have so many people with kind words to say. Brea decided that she was coming over to help cheer me up. That helped because it is so hard to sit at home and feel the void missing from our lives. Jesse was able to go to work and distract himself while I had to sit at home and dwell on the sadness.

Luckily Brea had been working on a project since I was put into the hospital and today was the perfect day to use that project to cheer me up. She had contacted one of the hosts on the SK website to help her secretly obtain letters from all my friends who were sending well wishes after my second hospital stay. It is amazing to know that many of us have grown so close over the internet sharing infertility stories and pregnancy problems without having met in real life. It was so sweet to read all the nice letters and know that many people are cheering me on during this pregnancy and they are praying that Addison and Riley will be healthy and happy when they are born. The scrapbook was just what I need to feel better and concentrate on something other than the deep loss I felt.

As the time passes I cry a little less, but I still miss our sweet dog. I know he isn't suffering any longer, but that doesn't make my heart feel better. I can't even type this blog entry without tears running down my face. For now I will cherish the pictures we have and play all the good memories through my mind. I know it will get easier as time passes and I hope I can smile each time I think of Matti rather than cry for our loss.

We let Matti go

Today was a rough day for Matti. His medicine was not working and each day he was progressively getting worse. This morning he was barely walking and he just wanted to lay down all day. We had to get him up to go to the bathroom and eat. We thought we would have more time with him but his quality of life was not good at all.

Jesse and I took him into the vet and put him down. At least I know he isn't suffering anymore.It was so hard to come home and not have our happy dog there to great us. We plan on waiting until the girls are a little older and we will pick out another family dog together. Until then, we will hold Matti in hearts. Here are some good bye pictures we took of him today. RIP Matti....we love you.

What is the next thing to look forward to?

There has been such a big fuss about getting me to 28 weeks so the girls have a 95% survival rate and now that I have passed that mark, I am left wondering what I am looking forward to now. Now I am glad to be out of the hospital, but my days at home are almost as boring. At least I have Sara here making my meals and giving me someone other than my sick dog to talk to. I guess my next big mile stone should be 32 weeks, however each day is going by sooooo slow. I find myself looking forward to my OB appointment on Monday because that is a day I can put "real" clothes and makeup on and get my butt out of the house. I had so many appointments before when I was on bed rest that I had days out of the house, but now it it is the same ol' same ol' each day. The only new thing is my increased milk production which has completely taken me by surprise. I didn't know I would be leaking when I have 12 weeks until my official due date, but apparently my extra hormones are in overdrive and think it is time to feed a baby....or two. Go figure. It is time to wear a bra at all times with a breast pad to save my bra from wetness and staining.

I was also pleased to see a FedEx envelope from work when I got home. It informed me that my FMLA was running out on April 6th and if I didn't return to work on April 7th, I would be resigning from my job. Fantastic right? I'm glad they told me all about this when they got my paperwork in the first place since the girls aren't even due until June and will most likely make their appearance in the end of April or anytime in May. So after a day or two of stressing out about my possible unemployment, I called HR. They told me I could go on an extended leave until the girls are born and then get my 8 weeks to recover and I could come back to work then. I'm not quite protected like I was with FMLA but my boss had told me that he would take me back after the girls are born. I hope he still feels that way since his wife is set to have their first baby a few days after my due date. Jesse will try to talk to him and get the low down for me.

We are still keeping and eye on Matti. He had his first accident in his five year life with us this morning. This dog has NEVER peed in the house once. Well apparently the steroids he is on makes him drink more and thus produce more. He always goes potty before going to bed at night and he can make it until 7 am when Jesse gets up for work. Well I did hear him walking around outside our bedroom door at about 5:30. I wish I would have gotten up and let him out, then the poor guy would not of peed on the floor right by the back door. Our only saving grace is that we have hard wood floors and it is easy to clean up his mess. If we had carpet, we would be in need of carpet cleaning service because this is a big dog with a big bladder and the boy can pee like a race horse. So today Sara has taken him out several times to go potty and I will get up at 5 am when I take my meds and see if he needs to go out then. Jesse was really upset about how hard this is on Matti and talked about putting him down this week, but maybe things will improve while we let the medicine take its affect. I just can't imagine life without Matti. Jesse doesn't want to get a new dog for a long time, but maybe after the girls are here we can look into another companion for the family.

Sad news about Matti

Since I have been out of the hospital, Matti's condition has gotten worse. He is to the point where he can barely walk on his front leg. It breaks my heart to see him in pain and not acting like himself.

We took him into the vet this afternoon and I didn't care if I was on bed rest, I was going to see what the vet had to say. The news isn't good. He does have bone cancer and it has progressed significantly in the last 5 weeks. It is hard to tell how fast it will spread in his body. There really isn't any kind of treatment for a dog this big because he ages faster than most dogs. A Great Dane's life expectancy is only about 8 years and Matti is 5 1/2.

The vet gave us some better pain meds and a steroid to help improve his quality of life until we decide to put him down. Dh and I both cried in the treatment room and Matti was just lying there staring at us with his goofy smile. He has been a fantastic dog and even though his size sometimes gets in the way, we love him dearly. I just hope he isn't suffering too badly and we can get a little more time with him. Thanks for all of your help, support, and well wishes.

On a good note, Sara arrived today and she is in the process of moving all her things in and getting settled. I really didn't think about how things would change with a "roommate" in the house. We already thought we were out of space and now we have even more stuff along with Sara's cat. All of that aside, we are so glad to have her here to help while I am on bed rest and then to help raise the girls.

I'm home!!!!

I got released a few days early. I am so excited to be back home and have my own bed, see my pets, and have Jesse right by my side.

I had my gestational diabetes test on Wednesday and I passed it with flying colors, 98!This morning I had an FFN test to predict labor within the next 7 to 14 days, which came back negative. So it looks like I won't be going into labor anytime soon.

They did a growth scan on the girls. Addison is weighing 2 pounds 5 ounces and Riley is 2 pounds 6 ounces. The girls are growing right on track and very close to one another. I can't believe I am carrying almost 5 pounds of baby in me. I didn't gain any weight in the hospital so I am only up 15-16 pounds for the whole pregnancy.Lastly, they did a cervical length check and my cervix has stayed the same measuring at a 1.3.My OB so was so pleased with all the results that she didn't see any need to keep me. I haven't really been contracting so the oral meds Nifetaphine (percardia) is working well and I haven't needed a terb shot to stop contractractions in a week and a half.

I need to be better abour the bed rest and let other people do things for me. So I have batroom privlages and a shower once a day, but that is about it. I need to act like I am in the hospital and stay lying down. Sara will be here on Sunday night and moving in on Monday so I know I will appreciate her help.

Hospital Day 13...6 Days until I am parolled

Now that I am into my 27th week of pregnancy, I only have days left until I get to go home and continue bed rest at in my own bed/couch. Monday should be the day but there are a number of factors that could change my release date.

Starting tomorrow I will have daily NST's (non stress tests) on the babies to make sure they are holding up fine in their confined space that keeps getting smaller by the day. Friday I will have my glucose test to check for gestational diabetes. Then on Saturday I will have a growth scan and cervical length scan. If all checks out fine, I will get my walking papers for the time being. I will continue to stay on the same medication and hope my contractions are very few and far between. I'm still optimistic that I will get the girls to a healthy gestational age and they won't have a very long NICU stay.

Even though I want the girls to stay put, I really can't wait to meet them and get to know them. I dream about them almost every night and in my dreams, Riley looks more like me and Addison takes after Jesse. I'm sure they both will be very beautiful and happy girls!

I want to give a special thanks to my BFF Brea. She came to visit yesterday and she pampered me with a pedicure. She went all out with the sea salt type scrub and the lotion massage and painted my toes and put little butterflies on my big toes. My pedicure looked like a professional took care of me. I don't know how I will ever repay here but maybe if she has another child I will take her out and pay for her pedicure as I don't can't paint nails to save my life.

Wednesday is Jesse and my 3rd wedding anniversary. I'm bummed that we have to spend the day in the hospital. At least I know next year will be better and we will be so happy to be a family of 4.

Hospital Day 11 (NICU Info)

Jesse and I did get a chance to take a tour of the NICU yesterday. Phoenix is large city with many hospitals but there are only 3 hospitals that have an intensive care NICU that takes the most premature babies. I'm so glad to know that this hospital is one of them and one of the best. What we learned is there are three sections that a baby can be in during his/her stay. The smallest most premature babies start out in the ICU part of the NICU where there 1 nurse to 2 babies or even a 1 to 1 ratio. Babies here are on ventilators and feeding tubes. They stay under the photo lights and require extra assistance all throughout their stay. They stay in issoletts. The parents can touch the babies through the sides of the issoletts and after the babies are stable the parents can hold the babies on their chest while they are still hooked up to all the monitors and ventilators. It is important for these babies to feel the skin to skin contact.

Once the babies start getting better at breathing, they are moved to the intermediate section. The babies there are off the ventilators but they may still need help with breathing now and again and may be given extra oxygen to help them breathe. These babies may or may not be feeding through the feeding tubes. Once the babies star breathing on their own and are nippeling effectively then they are moved to the last section.

The last section is where the babies are in their own open crib and can keep their temperature. These babies are eating every 3 hours and nippeling from the bottle or breast at this point. The babies are then released to go home.

We were able to visit a baby boy that was delivered at 27 weeks gestation and he weighed slightly less than 2 pounds. Now I have seen pictures of babies born that early but it was quite a shock to see how small he was. His limbs were barely twigs and he was all covered in wrinkles and hair. About 85% of babies born at this gestation survive, but I was shocked at how tiny and sick he looked. It was interesting to get a perspective on what our girls would look like if they were born now, but I really hope we have another good 8-10 weeks out of this pregnancy.

As of Monday, I have 1 more week left in the hospital and my contractions have really slowed down to just a few a day. I'm confident that the medication is doing its job and now I just have to do my job at home. Sara will be moving in next weekend and she will be able to get things around the house for me so I can concentrate on staying in bed or on the couch and baking my girls.

All I can say is that this next week cannot pass quick enough. I am really getting sick of this bed and the 4 walls that I stare at each day. I know many other women who have stayed longer than I have and I have to admire their ability to do it each day. I'm already going a little crazy and my hormones get the best of me now and again. I have cried about the smallest things while just getting out of my room on a wheelchair ride can lift my spirits 100% for the moment. If I could only have the night nurses, I would probably be doing better, but the day nurses are not friendly people and they can add to my mood.

Okay rant over.....more to come later in the week.

Hospital Day 9

Well I am 26 weeks and 4 days pregnant. That only leaves 10 days until I am released if all goes well. Brea has come to visit with me today and we actually wrote these days and dates on the board so I can see the days tick away and have my immediate goal in mind. Brea has been here all day staying with me for about 10 hours. I almost felt like I was at home hanging out with my friend and her baby rather than being in the hospital. Every once in a while a nurse or my contraction monitor would jolt me back into reality. Some days I just want to sleep and be alone but other days it is really nice to have a friend or family member here to keep me company. I'm so glad Brea can spend the entire day with me while other friends, family, and my husband have to work.

I got to take a wheel chair ride outside. Flowers are in bloom here in Phoenix and I almost felt like I was smelling the flowers for the first time. It is already almost 80 degrees here in phoenix so I was blinded by the sun and very warm, but I enjoyed every second of our 10 minute walk.

I had a good contraction report today. I hardly had any all day which is probably the best report I have had since I've been here. Things are really looking good that I won't have these girls before 28 weeks and I will get to go home in 10 days.

Jesse and I will try to take tour of the NICU tomorrow to get an idea of how they run things and see a few babies that were born close to our gestational age. The NICU does tours based on their schedule so we don't know if we will be able to get in tomorrow or not. I hope that my babies will bake for a while longer and the girls won't have a long NICU stay, but at least I will be prepared for any situation if they do come early than expected.

Hospital Day 8

Well I have officially made it over a week at the hospital. It feels much longer but I am closer to my release date as each day passes. I made sure to ask the doctor today about me going home at 28 weeks. As long as I stay steady and don't go into full blown labor or have the girls...I will be going home Monday the 23rd which will be my 28 week mark.

I'm starting to get into the routine of each day. New morning nurse, blood pressure, meds, breakfast, go back to sleep, wake up, watch TV, more blood pressure and meds, lunch, maybe a shower maybe not, more TV, phone calls, day dream, dinner, night nurse, more blood pressure, more meds, Jesse visits or other visitors, get the laptop, homework, email, maybe post on SK, night snack, more TV, night meds, go to sleep, get woken up for more blood pressure and meds, and then the cycle happens all over again.

I really like the night nurses. For some reason they are more friendly and helpful even though they work the dreaded 6pm to 6am. The day nurses are less attentive and they like to wake me up in the morning when I don't want to be disturbed. There are a few nurses I really like and a few I could tell them to shove it. I'm starting to get an attitude in the morning so maybe they will get the hint. LOL

I only have 4 more days in my online class and then I am taking a 2 week break. Maybe I will get through the next 6 week course before I deliver and maybe not. At this point, I don't care if I miss time in class because my GPA is still pretty high.

That is all I have to report for now. It is hard to come up with things to write since not a lot changes in my life.

Rough Day

Today just wasn't my day. From the moment I woke up, I was having contractions and my uterus was very irritable. They kept waking me up to go to the bathroom to see if that would help my uterus calm down. Eventually they upped the dosage on my medication and things began to calm down.

About the time I was ready to take a shower, the nurse told me they needed to put these really nice tights on my legs to help prevent any blood clots. I was not in the mood to go through getting them on. They are the tightest pantyhose you have ever worn and I was just depressed about having to wear them. Part of me just wished I could go back to being me....and not the pregnant me. Once the leggings were finally on, I accidentally spilled my ice water all over me in bed. I was beginning to think everything was out to get me today.

So after I had a good cry about my situation, it was getting close to lunch time. I waited patiently as the lunch has been a little late the last few days. After an hour and a half I called the nurse and asked why nutrition was so far behind. She was confused as they had already delivered lunch, some how they forgot about me today. So I had to wait another half hour to get my lunch. Really....what else can go wrong today???? Ughh....

So finally I ate and got a chance to take a shower. Maybe that is what I needed because I felt much better. A good friend from work came to visit and we swapped pregnancy struggles as she is 36 weeks pregnant. I was in a better mood when she left and I know my parents are coming out to visit and play some cards with me while we watch "The Biggest Loser".

I am just hoping the rest of the day is better and my hormones get back in check.

Hospital Day 6

Here we are....another day in paradise. Today I hit 26 weeks where the girls have a 75% survival rate. Each day I get through is better and better for the survival rate. At 28 weeks they have a 95% rate yet they will still need to spend at least 6 weeks in the NICU after being born at 28 weeks. I still have my sights set on getting to around 34 weeks or more. My hospital stay will be 2 more weeks from today if all goes well. My sister will be moving in with us the weekend before I am set to be released. She will be able to help me stay on the couch and rest as I am supposed to.

Yesterday I got to have along shower and feel a little normal, but today I am tired and run down. I did have several visitors and math homework to finish yesterday so maybe my body is run down today. I'm free from all the IV's and wires for now. They still need to monitor my contractions for 1 hour twice a day. This morning I had 4 contractions while I was sleeping and I didn't feel a thing. For the most part, I don't feel the contractions and that is why I need to stay in the hospital for monitoring.

Overall the hospital is not that bad. The food choices are nice and I like that I am waited on hand and foot. The TV shows are getting old but I am usually too tired to read or spend much time on the internet. The visitors are a nice break from the slow day, but other times I like that I don't have to entertain anyone. My spirits are good and I am hopeful for a positive outcome. I can't wait for the day I get to hold my healthy girls in my arms.

Hospital Day 4

Today has been a better day. I was taken off of the magnesium and I feel more like myself. My contractions are being controlled just fine off of the oral medications. I have my IV taken off as well so now I can get into my own clothes rather than the very cute hospital gowns I have been wearing.

Jesse came up for a visit today but I spend most of the day sleeping and watching bad TV movies. Sometimes I do enjoy the time alone, but other times it is nice to talk to see someone or carry on a conversation.

I'm trying hard to keep up with my online class. I only have 1 more week after this Tuesday so I should make it through. Then I will need a break because it is so hard to get online here at the hospital.

The girls are doing better now as well. They didn't like the medication and they were not moving as much as usual but it is normal for the babies to feel just as bad as the mother. At least we are all doing a bit better today. Eating is a struggle because I don't have as much room left in my stomach as the girls grow. The food actually tastes good in the hospital which is ironic...I just wish I could eat more of it.

I'm signing off for now to get some rest.

Latest Hospital Stay

To start from the beginning, I had some extra discharge that was abnormal so I called my doctor and waited for a call back. I really thought everything was okay, but I wanted to double check with my OB. Later in the afternoon the medical assistant called back and told me it would be best for me to go to the hospital and get checked out at Labor and Delivery.

Dad stopped by and picked me up and brought mom and I to the hospital. We went in and they did a swab test on the discharge to see if it was amniotic fluid. While they were waiting for the test to come back, they hooked me up to the contraction monitor. During the wait I was having contractions every 2 minutes lasting for more than 40 seconds. At this point, they had to admit me to the hospital.

They immediately started me on a shot Terbutiline (sp?) that helps stop contractions and makes your heart race like crazy. Then they hooked me up to an IV and started Magnesium. The two drugs are fast acting and really help in situations of pre-term labor. Unfortunately, the medications are not very comfortable to be on. I had hot flashes like crazy and later in the evening I started getting sick.

After a night of close monitoring in Labor and Delivery, I was transferred back to the Antipartum department where I was last time I was in the hospital. After several time of throwing up, I finally felt like myself later in the day on Thursday.

Jesse was here and we got a chance to talk to the doctors. At 25 1/2 weeks, the babies have some chance of survival, but each day I can stay pregnant will do wonders for the babies. The immediate goal is to get to 28 weeks where the survival rate is 95%. The girls would still have side effects of premature birth and would have to spend several weeks in the NICU, but they would have a fighting chance.

So the plan as it stands now is to keep me in bed at the hospital until I reach 28 weeks and if they can control the contractions on oral medication, I can go back to bed rest at home with a goal of getting as close to 36 weeks as possible.

I have very limited internet access, but I hope to get on the computer at least once a day to post any updates.

More Belly

Thanks to a fantastic friend on my message board SK, I have this picture collage from the day I found out I was pregnant. I have been pretty good about taking a new picture every 3-4 weeks and now it is fun to see the progression through the pregnancy. I tried to show it to Jesse last night and his response was "I see you every day honey, I know your belly is getting bigger". Argh...men! I'm sure some of you will think it is neat to see the progression.

This is a weird week for me. I don't have any doctor appointments now that I am done with the cervical length checks. I am now seeing my OB every 2 weeks. That is more comforting than seeing her every 4 weeks, although it is hard to not get a weekly update.

My next appointment is Tuesday March 10th with my OB and I will have my glucose test done that day as well. Let’s hope I pass because I love, love, love my carbs!

Belly Update....25 weeks now.

For those of you who were at my shower 2 weeks ago, you may be able to see a big change in how big I am getting. The girls have gone through a couple of growth spurts during the last two weeks and I hope they are putting on lots of weight. I am happy to report that I don't have any stretch marks yet, but I am sure I will be eating those words here soon at the rate I am growing.