Sentimental Thoughts....

Normally the direction of this blog is to dictate the events in our lives. It is a way for me to look back on previous events and capture the growth of the girls. I usually spend more time talking about our days and activities and I spend little time talking about the way I feel.

I want the girls to know how much I love them. It was a long journey to get them here safe and sound. I can still remember how overjoyed I was the morning I saw that positive pregnancy test. I was starting to feel like the cycle was a bust. The money, hard work, and hormones were down the drain. Part of me didn't even want to test that day to see another negative test, but I went ahead and tested anyway. When I finally picked up the test and saw the two most beautiful lines in the world, I could not be any happier. I cried and cried and stared at the test in disbelief. FINALLY it worked, finally we were going to have a family and a child I had wanted for a long time. Little did I know, we would be having two children.

My pregnancy started off beautifully with little morning sickness with only some early fatigue. At 16 weeks we started to realize that the pregnancy was high risk and there was a real chance that I wouldn't carry the girls to term. After I was put on bed rest, I remember wondering if I would even get my girls to a viable state. I was hesitant to have my friends and family plan the baby shower because I didn't want to jinx the situation. Would buying clothes and things for the girls be a bad idea. We didn't even know if my cervix would hold up. Luckily I got the girls past the "24" week viability stage and I could sigh a breath of relief. I still worked hard to get one more day and one more week past that point.

In my third hospital admittance, I was annoyed at having to stay in the hospital for the 3rd time. I was 30 weeks and 4 days pregnant at that point and I was past the 28 week mark where premature babies do much better. When I really sat down to think about it, I couldn't live with myself If didn't do what the doctors asked of me and I had the girls too early and something happened that I could of prevented by staying put. Sometimes I even wonder if I should have accepted magnesium one last time to keep the girls baking longer than the 32 weeks 6 days that I did. Would another week or two inside my womb made a difference in their NICU stay? All in all, I think I did a good job considering the circumstances. The girls are here and healthy when there are many mothers out there who lost their children earlier than I did or those that made it to full term but still didn't take their babies home. Why was I blessed to get 2 beautiful healthy girls (aside from Addison's heart trouble)? I thank God for what he has given to our family and I have to remind myself not to complain about the lack of sleep or constant crying, because I am lucky to have my girls and lucky to be a mom.

Addison and Riley...you have made mom so very happy and I can't wait to learn more about you both. I can't wait to see your personalities and learn what you like and dislike. We are learning and growing as a family and I am very happy with the path we are all on.